Who let me bleach my sister’s hair? Who gave me the right? Oh, yeah, Sally’s Beauty Supply. She loves it but between you and me, she’s a better brunette. Oh well. We all have our own preferences. Am I listening to Plain White T’s right now? Hell yeah.

I’m really not doing okay, so here’s a song I like to listen when people just don’t get it.

I’m not sure that this is the best platform for this but f it. I’m kind of getting sick of being rejected all the time. My self esteem is taking a huge hit. I understand I’m not a 10 but damn, man. I’m not about to change who I am though, then what would be the point of being with them? If they can’t love ME, then whatever. I’m over it.

I’m sort of having a manic episode right now and don’t know what to say. I dyed my hair pink so I guess that’s cute.

I f-ing love Pop Punk and it’s a damn shame that these iconic teenage anthems are being used in TikToks and only noticed for being in TikToks. I’m an original e-girl. It’s ok, we all know it. To be completely honest, I never really got over that whole “phase” thing with being a “skater burnout” type kid. I will say, for the record, that I was never really a skater, I just dressed like one. Lol.

For the money assignment, I decided I wouldn’t deface some money because to be completely honest I’m 100% broke. Money has always been a super touchy subject in my life, mainly because once my parents divorced my mom had to support me on her own. I grew up in a OK financially home with my mom and my grandparents. My grandparents taught me to appreciate the money we did have because back in Cuba they had nothing. My mom has always been frugal due to this meaning we’ve always been tighter on money than most. I went to a pretty expensive private school (my dad’s doing) for 14 years and I saw girls who got Maseratis for their 16th birthday. It was always really weird for me. My dad didn’t grow up with much either but he loves spending money, it actually makes me really uncomfortable. Money has always made me cringe and I think it always will.

Got nothing to write. I’m supposed to have finished my spec script for Supernatural but that’s not happening. I have so much to do and when I sit down to write I’m exhausted so nothing comes out. Hopefully, this will be resolved soon as I have not met my deadline.

Sincerely,

Management

I’m going stir crazy in my house. COVID-19 is seriously the worst. I’m not upset because I’m stuck in my house or because I can’t physically go to class (which I never thought I’d be upset about), it’s more that I feel this sense of doom. For one, I know how incredibly privileged I am to be able to be homed in a warm house with my loving mom and sister and our adorable dogs. I know that a lot of people have to worry about finding shelter or finding their next meals while avoiding this illness. There’s this looming sense of doom that comes every time my mom comes home from work. Yesterday, she said one of her coworkers contracted it and is in isolation. She’s worried about giving it to me because of my compromised immune system. Since I was a kid if someone got a cold, I would get the flu. I would always get what was flying around, but multiplied by 50. I have a very poor immune system and a terrible respiratory system. Hopefully, we come out of this with a new mindset and clean hands (permanently).

Now I don’t like the word “fat”. I really hate it. My whole life I’ve been tormented by it. My dad meant well, I think, when he’d tell me to lose some weight growing up. I think he was always just worried about himself that he projected that feeling onto me. His girlfriends or whatever were never so nice about it though. They always made me feel like I shouldn’t be happy with my body. It took 22 1/2 years of living to be okay with my body. Even now I’m not properly happy with it. I will say though, when you stop thinking of your body as a fashion accessory, you start appreciating it more. My body is my body, not anyone else’s and it’s time to reclaim it.

I felt like it was necessary to make a post on how to make a proper cup of tea. Tea time is incredibly important to me because it gives me a sense of order. It really doesn’t make that much sense but when your entire existence is a mess, some order feels pretty great. In order to make a proper cup you must first pick out a mug that makes you happy. No one wants to drink a cup of tea out of any old mug, it has to be a mug that means something. I like the mermaid cup that my sister bought from the aquarium because the wave pattern calms me down. Secondly, choose your tea. I prefer black teas such as English/Irish/Scottish Breakfast Tea (my favorite brand is Yorkshire Tea [it’s genuinely incredible]). Boil water in a kettle, if you don’t have a kettle use a pot, if you don’t have a pot then I’m sorry. Whatever you do, DON’T MICROWAVE YOUR WATER OR TEA; it gives the tea a weird taste trust me on this. Put the tea bag in your mug, pour the hot water over the tea and let it steep for however long you like. I like my tea pretty weak so I leave it in for about a minute. Take out your tea bag and add in milk. Watching the milk swirl into the tea is super relaxing especially if you’ve just come out of a panic attack. Then add in one sugar, any more sugar and you’re ruining the tea in my opinion. Stir gently and voila you’ve made a proper cup of tea!